What’s Holding You Back in Your Relationship
Is there something preventing you from moving forward or being really happy in your relationship? Are you holding back your true feelings or your true self? Here are some of the top fears that we have in relationships that could be holding you back:
- Fear of rejection. If you’re afraid of being rejected by your partner, you’ll never be able to commit fully to the relationship. You’ll always be waiting for them to leave you, and you won’t be able to fully trust them and their feelings. If you’re afraid of rejection you’ve often already mentally ended the relationship in your head as a protection mechanism. While you’re trying to protect yourself, you will just end up holding yourself back, and you’ll remain a single woman or man forever.
- Fear of getting hurt. The fear of getting hurt in a relationship often comes after being hurt in a previous relationship. In order to protect ourselves from experiencing the pain of getting hurt again, we often find ourselves putting up walls or holding back on our emotions. Not fully letting yourself feel for your new partner, or not allowing yourself to get comfortable in a new relationship can hold us back from experiencing true happiness.
- Fear of them getting too close. If you are trying to keep your partner from getting too close in fear that they won’t like the real you, then you are likely dealing with issues surrounding self-esteem. Low self esteem causes you to think that they won’t like you for who you truly are, so you keep your partner at bay in order to avoid getting hurt. This fear holds us back from letting our partners in to see us for who we are and keeps us from forming a deeper connection.
- Fear of commitment. If you have a vision of a committed relationship as being scary, stifling or just too serious, you could be holding yourself back in your relationship by trying to avoid commitment. Fear of commitment often stems from preconceived notions we have about what commitment really means. If you’re holding back from commitment, you may want to think about what you think will happen when you do commit. Talk to your partner so you can both get on the same page as to what a committed relationship means to you. It’ll keep you out of relationship counseling and happy together as a couple.
- Fear of losing yourself. Fear of losing your independence when you’re in a relationship can cause us to hold back and avoid getting too close to our partners. We want to protect our best interests and stay true to ourselves, and we can fear that getting too involved in our relationship will cause us to lose sight of ourselves. This fear can hold us back from letting our partners get too close and can keep us from forming lasting relationships.
- Fear of the unknown. For some people, relationships are scary because they are unpredictable. If you are a control freak, you might fear relationships because you are the sole person in control. You may find yourself holding back on getting too involved because you don’t want to leave your feelings in the hands of another person. Trying to control everything ourselves can keep us from enjoying a truly meaningful relationship.
"Never get too attached to anyone unless they also feel the same towards you, because one sided expectations can mentally destroy you."
15 Different Kinds of Love
Infatuation- loving feelings towards a love object that are largely based upon fantasy and idealization (instead of experience). Often when partners get to know each other, infatuation diminishes.Romantic Love- An abiding love for a partner with whom you feel passion, attraction, caring and respect.Eros- a passionate love usually involving sexual feelings for a love interest.Companionate Love- feelings of warmth towards a friend with whom you love to spend timeUnconditional Love- A type of affection and caring that is so strong that you feel it consistently, regardless of what that other person does
"Where you see obstacles , I want you to see opportunity and a chance to become stronger. As long as you’re willing to fight, the doors will always open for you. However there are battles you need to give up to win big, but always give your all before you quit."
Resolutions aren’t just for New Years anymore. Think about your relationship and what you’d like to accomplish or change or improve on. You can set some resolutions on your own, as well as with your partner. Telling a friend about them will help you stay on track. Here are some examples of relationship resolutions that you might want to make:
- Appreciate each other more. It’s so easy to fall into the routine of day-to-day life together and start taking each other for granted. Set a resolution to take time to appreciate each other more. Make a concrete plan and it will be easier to stick to and measure. For example, you might take time each day to tell each other one thing that you appreciate about the other person. You’ll have to remind yourself to do it at first, but then it will become a habit that you both look forward to. It forces you to take a step back from busy lives and makes you focus on each other.
- Spend more quality time together. You and your partner probably see each other lots but is it real, quality time? We are often so busy rushing around, running errands, studying, and hanging out in groups that time can quickly go by without you and your partner spending any quality time together. Make a resolution to spend one night a week just the two of you, without distraction. Pick something that’s fun and simply enjoy each other’s company.
- Talk about problems right away. Small annoyances can grow into big fights and resentments if you keep them to yourself and let them brew. Make a resolution to voice any problems or concerns to your partner right away and deal with them. The second step of this resolution is to move on afterwards without holding a grudge.
- Be more romantic. You probably made lots of time for romance when you first started dating, but it’s easy to get comfortable and let it slide when you get more familiar with each other. Make a resolution to do one romantic thing each week for your partner. Anything from surprising them with flowers, to sending them a thoughtful text. Your partner will be thrilled with the attention and will hopefully reciprocate!
- Try new things. Don’t get caught in a relationship rut where you always do the same things together, go to the same restaurants and spend time with the same group of people. Make a resolution as a couple to try something new every week. It could be a new restaurant, a new sport or activity that you’ve never tried, or anything else that’s a new experience for both of you to enjoy together.
"At some point you just have to let go, and move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it’s the only way we grow."
"Stress from heartbreak grief can flood the body with hormones, specifically Cortisol, which causes that heavy-achy-feeling you get in your chest area."